Hedonism... Do we dare?

Hedonism Resorts

We're intrigued... No solid vacation plans for 2011 yet. Do we dare? Happy New Year.

Jarrett: Motivation with a happy ending :)

For the past few months, I've been doing some online work to make some extra money for us. Basically, I came upon an opportunity that lets me do as much or as little of this work when I have free time. This comes in handy because we came upon a bunch of unforseen hospital bills due to conceiving and losing a baby (touched on here. I'll go more in depth about that as we get more visitors).

Now Maria knows that this extra money has helped us out a ton since I started doing this extra work. She also knows that it can be incredibly tedious so I really have to show discipline to get a lot of it done. I suppose she was in the Christmas spirit last weekend, because when talking about our future finances, she made me an offer I couldn't refuse...

Basically, every time I get a particular amount of this work done, she agreed to give me a Happy Ending (NSFW). Her idea, not mine. Our sex life is pretty good so I'm not starving in that department, but I'd be lying if I said that it it hasn't motivated me so far. It's been going for two days and so far, so good. She's delivered, no questions asked.

Here's the kicker... She's finishing a degree right now and we just got word that her financial aid for this semester fell through. Meaning if provisions aren't made, I may have to go into overdrive with this side work, meaning she might have bit off more than she can chew with this deal (HOPEFULLY there's no biting or chewing).

But hey, I'm no monster. When I got out of the shower this morning I told her that I'm not going to always want it, and if I keep attacking this work like a mad man, she might get lockjaw. I told her a massage or something to ease my tension will be just as good in these situations. Besides, I don't want intimacy with my wife to turn into a part-time job. I'm hoping we find a way to make this thing fun for both of us and not just practice for her. I'm all for trying something new and different, so maybe we can throw something in the mix.

I like to think of this arrangement as the wife being in my corner giving me motivation between rounds so I make it through all 12. How will this work out? I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, check out this post on one of my favorite message boards, Talkaboutmarriage.com - Sex as marital currency. I'd like to think this isn't our situation, but I'd be interested to read your thoughts.

Maria: The Life. The Legend.

At least that's what I call myself when I'm alone lol...ahem...SO, do you ever find it hard to talk about yourself? Like, describing your best traits to a complete stranger in point five seconds? Well luckily it'll take longer for you to read this post.

My name is Maria. I just turned 24. (It's awesome so far, thanks for asking) I enjoy writing but unlike Jarrett, I cannot sit at the computer endlessly, but I will make an effort to support that dying breed called marriage.

Coming from a single parent home, I found the idea of marriage to be a bit frightening. I didn't have an example to look to anywhere in my family and couldn't imagine what being a wife called for. Well, I don't claim to be a veteran of the trade, far from it, but I can say that it's not so mysterious. I've come to realize that if you truly love and care for someone's general well being everything sort of falls where it should. Sure there is work involved in finding what each others roles are but patience and consideration has gotten the job done for us-or should I say is helping to smooth out the kinks. (like lost pregnancies, depression, independent woman syndrome, and other fun things that can ruin a relationship ;) )

Life is worth all the love and laughter you can muster. It's even better when you have your best friend to help you laugh at yourself.

Jarrett: Essential Man Note - "PQ," What it is and Why You Need it in Marriage

I was at a house party one Friday night this past Summer chatting it up with a friend (female) of the host. It was a pretty decent gathering of friends--iPod on blast, plenty of drinks flowing and as much finger food as you could stomach. Since it was one of those calm summer nights, everyone was feeling pretty good at this point because there was no shortage of alcohol and the vibe just lent itself to good feelings. One of my closest friends I've made since moving out here a couple of years ago had pretty strong feelings for the girl I was chatting with, and they've had some close encounters, but he's pretty much found himself in the "Friend Zone."


When I brought this up to her (everyone knew about it), the drunken explanation she gave me still stands out to me because of how prolific it was.

"He's the perfect guy. He's smart, he's nice, but he doesn't have pounce quality and that's important to me..." she said.

Pounce quality. We talked about this for a little bit, and in so many words, she said that pounce quality is the characteristics a guy has, physical or otherwise, that bring her to the point where she wants to jump on him National Geographic-style and go at it. My friend is college educated, hilarious, makes decent money and is just an all-around good guy. But because he lacks the qualities that make her horny enough to want to make a move on HIM, she feels like she's selling herself short.

After this conversation, PQ became the catch phrase among my circle of friends when offering him advice on how to break out of the teddy bear mold.

Attraction is real people. Sure we want someone we get along with and all that good stuff, but it's criminal to downplay sex and sexual attraction when it comes to marriage.

PQ means different things for different women. For some it may be an attitude (confidence is pretty much a universally attractive trait to women), for others it may be something physical. Like us, most women probably like a little mix of both. Whatever these traits are, don't downplay them in YOUR relationship. You can be Mr. Teddy Bear all you want, and it's definitely important to fulfill those needs. But when she's in the mood and has one toy to choose from, she'll be looking for something harder than a teddy bear, if you follow me.

I think a lot of marriage advice material out there totally disregards the fact that women get horny too. Like sexual desire is that thing husbands have while the wholesome-minded wife is an innocent bystander. Please.

Learn your wife. Learn what PQ is to her. Mine enjoys seeing me with a fresh barber shave, nice clothes and some nice muscle definition. So what do I do? Take my happy butt to the barbershop, switch up the outfits and buy new ones when I can and go to the gym so I don't start looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick.

Outside of the physical, know what personality traits attracted your wife to you in the first place. Among my circle of friends, when one of us makes a "man move" in the presence of the woman that desires us, we crack some sort of joke about gaining PQ-- ("+37 PQ" "Your PQ is through the roof," etc.). At the same time, when someone emasculates himself to the point that he may as well put on a tutu and pour jelly on himself, that's negative PQ baby.

PQ. Live it. Learn it. Love it.

Jarrett: Allow Me To Introduce Myself

I debated a lot of different concepts for my inaugural post, but in the end thought it'd be best to tell a little about myself and my thoughts for this blog.

I'm Jarrett, 24 years old and married to the best woman I ever could have asked for. We got married May of 2009 and in that time have had tons of experiences that opened my eyes to the facts of life and marriage. It's been my experience that as much as you think you know each other, saying "I do" has a way of bringing changes to the relationship that neither of you expected. I hear a lot of people say, "Oh, it's just a piece of paper." TRUST ME, whether purposely or subconsciously, that "piece of paper" makes things a little more real. If nothing else, your expectations increase.

Anyway, I've learned more about relationships with women in this year and a half or so of marriage than I ever would have imagined. Single guys who play the field talk about having game, but they're playing in the minors. This marriage stuff is a whole new ballgame. I tell friends my age not to get married unless you really mean it, because while having the privilege to call my love my wife has made my life better in so many ways--it's a whole lot of work. Simply put, emotional or weak guys aren't built for this.

We're all born with gifts, and I'd like to think one of mine is the ability to understand human nature in a relatable way. I've had many conversations with family and friends, sometimes over drinks, where I'll spout off a philosophy on something in life that's so understandable yet so beautifully deep that it blows their brains to bits. I'll go off on one of my long-winded epiphanies and whoever I'm hanging out with will hit me with one of these types of responses:

"Damn! That's some real shit! Ahhhh, I need another drink."

I don't say all of this to crown myself the black Aristotle, because for one, that's far from the truth. I'm just a regular guy that thinks a lot, maybe too much sometimes. Second, when it comes to relationships, marriage in particular, you have a lot of so-called experts waxing philosophical about marriage in a way that is too PC, too lovey dovey or just not very realistic. I don't want to be one of those guys.

But I digress. In its simplest terms, this is a blog by me and my wife, Maria, about marriage, through the eyes of a 20-something married couple far away from home for the first time and making our way as we see fit. We'll share some advice, seek some comments, tell some stories, tell some jokes and whatever else we feel like in regards to this beautiful game we call marriage.

We've had some rocky times, from dealing with the financial setback (i.e., being broke) to dealing with crisis, including an unexpected (i.e. accidental) pregnancy that changed our lives, only to have our hearts broken when we lost the baby. We're in a better place right now and have dreams the size of the Grand Canyon, so you'll live that journey with us as we celebrate things we've mastered and continuously learn the ropes of marriage and life in general.

I'll share things from a man's perspective, Maria will share from a woman's, and we'll crisscross pretty frequently as we continue to share. I write for a living and she doesn't, so hopefully she'll be able to keep up with the content. I'll give her a little nudge, but I'm sure that once she starts blogging she'll fall in love with it.

Sit back, relax. Leave a comment, share some advice. Hopefully we can figure this thing out together with some laughs in between.