Jarrett: Essential Man Note - "PQ," What it is and Why You Need it in Marriage

I was at a house party one Friday night this past Summer chatting it up with a friend (female) of the host. It was a pretty decent gathering of friends--iPod on blast, plenty of drinks flowing and as much finger food as you could stomach. Since it was one of those calm summer nights, everyone was feeling pretty good at this point because there was no shortage of alcohol and the vibe just lent itself to good feelings. One of my closest friends I've made since moving out here a couple of years ago had pretty strong feelings for the girl I was chatting with, and they've had some close encounters, but he's pretty much found himself in the "Friend Zone."


When I brought this up to her (everyone knew about it), the drunken explanation she gave me still stands out to me because of how prolific it was.

"He's the perfect guy. He's smart, he's nice, but he doesn't have pounce quality and that's important to me..." she said.

Pounce quality. We talked about this for a little bit, and in so many words, she said that pounce quality is the characteristics a guy has, physical or otherwise, that bring her to the point where she wants to jump on him National Geographic-style and go at it. My friend is college educated, hilarious, makes decent money and is just an all-around good guy. But because he lacks the qualities that make her horny enough to want to make a move on HIM, she feels like she's selling herself short.

After this conversation, PQ became the catch phrase among my circle of friends when offering him advice on how to break out of the teddy bear mold.

Attraction is real people. Sure we want someone we get along with and all that good stuff, but it's criminal to downplay sex and sexual attraction when it comes to marriage.

PQ means different things for different women. For some it may be an attitude (confidence is pretty much a universally attractive trait to women), for others it may be something physical. Like us, most women probably like a little mix of both. Whatever these traits are, don't downplay them in YOUR relationship. You can be Mr. Teddy Bear all you want, and it's definitely important to fulfill those needs. But when she's in the mood and has one toy to choose from, she'll be looking for something harder than a teddy bear, if you follow me.

I think a lot of marriage advice material out there totally disregards the fact that women get horny too. Like sexual desire is that thing husbands have while the wholesome-minded wife is an innocent bystander. Please.

Learn your wife. Learn what PQ is to her. Mine enjoys seeing me with a fresh barber shave, nice clothes and some nice muscle definition. So what do I do? Take my happy butt to the barbershop, switch up the outfits and buy new ones when I can and go to the gym so I don't start looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick.

Outside of the physical, know what personality traits attracted your wife to you in the first place. Among my circle of friends, when one of us makes a "man move" in the presence of the woman that desires us, we crack some sort of joke about gaining PQ-- ("+37 PQ" "Your PQ is through the roof," etc.). At the same time, when someone emasculates himself to the point that he may as well put on a tutu and pour jelly on himself, that's negative PQ baby.

PQ. Live it. Learn it. Love it.